MY COGNITIVE DISSONANCE IS ANNOYING

 Sat, 16 Jul 2022

1:46PM

Organised sound: 22 Carats by Headie One, Gazo- Snap Out of It by Arctic Monkeys- Not

Good At Being Bad by Slush Puppy- Home by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

I stared down at the black mark on the grass, the crowd around me…and then my mind

focused on this need, this intense need to win.

‘WE EITHER WIN OR THEY LOSE’

And then- “GO!’

Yesterday, 15th July, my school held its first sports day in two years.

Yesterday, I experienced what I have come to know is cognitive dissonance-

Yesterday, I wanted to win badly,

Yesterday, I just wanted to have fun,

Yesterday, I let the team down,

Yesterday, I did my best.

Cognitive dissonance is used to describe the mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes especially resulting in behavioural decisions and attitude change.

I participated in three games; 1500m walk, 1500m run and dribble & shoot. I came 4th, 12th and 1st respectively. The walk was exhilarating, definitely my best race of the whole day. I really wanted to place well and I did plus I had a good laugh too, walking “professionally.”

The 1500m run was okay. It was right after the 1500m walk, but we needed more people.I paced myself really well, and I did place okay too.

Dribble & Shoot! Wellllll, it was okay. It was a team game, where each person dribbles afootball in between four cones and then passes it back to the next. The last person though, doesn’t pass the ball back but, rather, shoots it through a hula hoop and sprints to the finish line. It was super close but, heck,we won!

I unfortunately got hurt though after the dribble and shoot game. It wasn’t a surprise, my hip had been hurting for a while. Anyways, I had to cancel my best races henceforth; 100m sprint, 200m and 4 by 100.

Today, I am content though,

I’m victimising myself,

But I’m not,

Today, I should have trained,

Today, I should rest.

Today, I should rest,

Today, I should rest.